Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
