i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
