Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
