Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
