I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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