I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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