I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
