Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
