I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
