Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
