see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
