Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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