youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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