i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think my vagina is haunted
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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