You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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