i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
