i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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