don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
