The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
