he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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