the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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