so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
