well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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