i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
