We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
