Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
