Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I skipped work to stalk him.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
