I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
