Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
