Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
