How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
