swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize