just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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