Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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