dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
