Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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