my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
third nipple confirmed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
