he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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