My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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