Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
