Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is Oprah even human
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
