so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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