I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
