ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
