Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
