when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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