"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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