So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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