I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize