Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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