Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
