whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
