He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize