i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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