Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
