eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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