Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
