I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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