I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
