eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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