I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
never play flip cup with pint glasses
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
