She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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