Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
