one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
