it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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