Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
