Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
