Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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