the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
